Unexpected

Sometimes we get unwanted reminders of how precious life is. This week, a member do my husbands family had a heart attack but is doing well. My husband drove 11 hours to be with his family on Thursday. That night, after I put our daughter to bed, I hard a strange noise from the living room. When I went to investigate, I found our sweet Jazzie cat laying in a heap in a pile of vomit. I didn't think much of it, so I picked her up, cleaner her off, and moved her to my bed. That's when I noticed she couldn't move her legs, was panting like a dog, and her heart was beating so rapidly. Long story short, Jazzie had a massive stroke and the emergency vet confirmed that she was in heart failure and couldn't breath well on her own. I had to tell my husband on the phone and tell my daughter the next day. We are still reeling from her sudden death. Just a reminder to love on those around you as much as you can. People and pets. What I didn't expect is experiencing feelings I haven't had since Micah's death. Like loss of breath,where I feel my heart stops for a minute, when I am reminded that she is gone. Like going outside, expecting to see her turn the corner to greet me, then realizing I won't ever see that again. I used to get that feeling all the time when it would hit me that I wouldn't be able to parent Micah. I hate death. I think the suddenness and unexprectedness of this is why I'm experiencing some of the same things.