8 miles around the island

When I lived on Mackinac Island, we would always see couples renting the "bicycle made for two". It was funny to watch them try to balance and then attempt to ride while fighting the whole way! good times... any ways, I used to say that if couples could make it the 8 miles around the island and still want to talk to eachother, than they could make it through anything.
Well, Eric and I have never rode a bicycle made for two together, but I think this year can count for our 8 miles around the island! Obviously, we saw something in eachother that we liked enough to marry eachother 5 years ago, but I have seen a different side of Eric during this last year. He has become my absolute best friend. He has been the one who understands my faces, my silences, my talking.... he gets me. And he's been the one to crack me up... we've spent many hours laughing at pure sillyness usually caused by Eric! I have even gone to him and stated that "I am on the brink of tears, tell a funny." and he did!
Since he works at home, Most nights I have come home after work or the gym to find dinner waiting for me. He says he's gotten really good at heating up frozen food, but he always adds a touch a la Eric to every meal! ... and I am so spoiled, that when I do cook, It's not good at all~ we both try to keep me out of the kitchen! So, as 2007 comes to a close, I am thankful that I've gotten to know Eric better this year and to have him by my side! You rock Eric!!!
and if you wonder what this mackinac island is, here's their website: http://www.mackinacisland.org/

...and on to 2008!

Through the trials and emotions of this year, we are still standing! We thank God for that~ and for providing in so many ways this year! And the coolest thing?! Well, we won a contest this past summer that helped us pay the last of the money to send off our paperwork for our adoption~ and here's the picture that won it for us!

Out of almost 1,000 entries, ours was chosen to be one of 10 to vote on. Basically, we had to take a picture of what we would look like if we won the money and with the support of our family and friends we received the most votes! HOW COOL IS THAT!?!
Happy New Year!

thoughts...on adoption

I feel like Eric and I are on the end of this road, waiting for God to draw the bridge... however that may look. There are so many things that feel up in the air and uncertain. And at this point, everything is a wait!
I have been going to a china forum which has been very interesting. I look and read more than respond because that's just how I operate! Today, I read a link from a blog written by an adoptee who's adopted a child/children herself. It was really good to read her thoughts and it really made me think. I don't know if the non-adoptive world has been made aware of a dutch diplomat and his wife that gave up their adopted daughter after 7 years after having 2 kids of their own. It's still speculation as to the real reason, but this blog that I read just stated that a lot of time adoptive parents have this idea of how their adopted child should behave. We set standards that they may or may not be able to live up to. I have a fiesty co-worker who has a fiesty child. When she tells me stories I just laugh and have asked, "boy! I wonder where he gets THAT from!?" But I think we forget to give that grace to the children we adopt. I never really thought about this, but just because I'll be bringing my little girl home with us from China, does not believe that the things that she was given genetically will stay there! I have gotten the question that you don't know if the child you adopt will be healthy. But we don't with our biological children. We should not give grace to our bio. children in areas of attitudes/behaviors that we aren't willing to give to the children we adopt. just my two cents. I know not all who read this understand the desire to adopt. Maybe you need to read Anne of Green Gables to understand the joy and adventure an orphan can bring into your life!
Other than this, I've been working. Two of us (the fiesty co-worker and myself) have been carrying a 4 person load the last two weeks~ before Christmas~ in a resort town~two weeks before Christmas! We passed delirious on Wednesday. On Friday, I called a customer regarding an item, only to hear Fiesty co-worker say, "thank you for calling____ this is____ how can I help you?" and I still sat there, phone to my ear for a good 2 seconds before we both realized that I had called OUR number. That's when I realized how thankful I was that it was my short friday and I would be heading home in 4 short hours to take a nap!

Karin

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

...atleast at our neighbors house.


not so much at our house...
:)
it's much easier to watch them put them up and take them down than to put in so much effort ourselves!

I hope you're all doing well and getting the last of the decorating and shopping taken care of!

The jumping kind

When the previous owner of our house came a few days after closing to pick up a few things and asked, "are you two okay with spiders?" we probably should have been concerned! It was a few days until we realized why he'd asked:

We don't know the name of them but do know they are large, furry, run fast and jump. yup. jump. I won't bore you with the story of the time a spider was tormenting Eric in his studio. He had a mop in one hand and an oven mit on the other... interesting, very interesting! Just so you aren't left wondering, Eric did kill that spider about 1-2 hours later after chasing it thru 2 more rooms!
And the spider in the picture above? let's just call that one Traxies midnight snack!

hope

Proverbs 13:12 says:"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."

Ever since I can remember, I have wanted to be a mom. More than anything else, I wanted kids that I could take care of and raise. I had even started to take classes in child care when I first graduated from High School so I could run my own or someone elses day care . I quit those classes, went on with my life, but knew in my heart of hearts what I would be: a mom. When Micah unexpectedly died, I felt like I lost my dreams as well. I stopped making myself available to be prayed for because people would always pray for more kids... and that's all well and good, but my goodness! My heart ached and I can't imagine the future right now, people! I have been crying out to God, trying to figure out what I was feeling and why I couldn't STOP CRYING!!! When this verse was pointed out on a blog that I check out periodically, I had a "THAT'S IT!" moment. My hope of raising my children has been deferred... not dashed, not dead. Just put off till a later time. And thru the pain, I still have hope. And now I really get the pain, the broken heart, that sick feeling I get. I still miss Micah and I will always have a sadness by not getting to raise him but this isn't the end... it's not. And although my hope of raising children has been deferred and it has made my heart sad, I will continue to have hope.

Thankful

Through the frustrations and loss of this year, God has sustained us, guided us, and guarded us. My mom has had some health scares that started a few months back. Just 2-3 weeks ago, she was given a clean bill of health! It was a step in restoring my faith that God does hear our prayers. My brother and I were very nervous and I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we prayed hard for her. He reminded me to continually thank God for her and her health and this I do. And I am so thankful that God has sustained us. I have to mention that again. And not just Eric and I because I know that the loss of Micah affected the rest of our family and our friends as well. I praise God that in my moments of greatest darkness, there is this sense of Hope. It has kept me going. I still don't like the reality of not getting to share our days with our son, but this is our reality. And in it, Eric and I thank God for daily provision and guidance to see us thru.

There are many things besides my awesome husband, loving family, and caring friends that I love and am thankful for...Rain~the smell, the sound, playing in puddles. The animals~Trax, Shasta, Jazz, and Lil B. My 2 summers on mackinac Island~ people, sights, sounds, experiences. Chocolate. Sweaters. Music of most kinds. Dancing silly when no one can see. the ability to create art in so many different ways. Hugs. Smiles. Laughing. SINGING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. detangler shampoo... such a great invention, people. my car. my house. my Nintendo DS. Games to play. apple cider mills. Playing in the snow. Playing in the leaves. swimming. talking to my friends. Making someone else laugh. Pizza. cool kick butt boots~ something every girl needs. my Anne of Green Gables books. the love the Lord is growing in my heart for orphans. listening to the music my husband creates on the many instruments he has. coffee. coffee shops. iced lemon pound cake from Starbucks. Ice cream with a bunch of stuff in it. waffle cones. Breakfast at any time of the day. pictures of good times. Silly memories.
And all of you... I am thankful for you.
Love, Karin

Mr. Rogers

My dad was the head auctioneer at the public broadcasting station in our home town. There were a lot of perks to this job for me as a kid. Un-ending trips to the soda fountain, getting to be on TV and demonstrate stuff, getting to run around a giant building and just hang out with the other "auction orphans" (we were the kids of the parents who helped run the auction-we even had "auction orphan" badges!), but the best thing of all was getting to meet the real mailman, Mr. McFeely, from Mr Rogers~
He even brought the puppets! I'm not sure what that panda's doing in the background... I don't remember him from the neighborhood of makebelieve...

Stand

In the 10 years since I gave my life to Christ, I have seen and heard of different ways God answered prayers, did the miraculous, and came thru in the midst of crisis. I have experienced money coming in at the very last minute to pay those bills the day they were due, I have heard of a loved one being healed from cancer, I have seen marriages that looked hopeless be brought to life again.
but how do you continue to stand in your trust and faith in the Lord when He doesn't come thru as you expect?... what about those times when you can't pay the bills, the person you'd been praying for dies, or your marriage ends in divorce?
Despite pressing in for the miraculous healing both before and after his birth, Micah did not live.
Some people may think that asking the Lord to raise the dead is a bit over the top, but it's not for our God.
In the hospital, I heard Aaron Evans voice echo in my ear. During one sermon he'd given years back, he'd said something like, " when you've stood and you're tired of standing, stand some'ore." I have heard this echo many times in the hours, days, weeks, and months that have followed. I can speak for both Eric and I when I say that our trust in God was shaken. We struggled with how we can continue to stand in our trust and faith in the Lord when He didn't come thru as we expected.
Eph 6:13 says "Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."
"Stand" can be defined as to remain firm or steadfast, as in a cause. To take up or maintain a position or attitude with respect to a person, issue, or the like: I stand for Christ.
I have always taken this verse literally, about standing instead of realizing it represents what you're standing for. I have come to realize that in those times of standing, there will be times of doubt and times when trusting is difficult or maybe close to impossible.
There are going to be times in our lives when things happen that make us doubt the goodness, the faithfulness, the justice of God. In those times, with all those things swirling about, we need to continue to hold strong to the basics of who God is and to stand on that truth. We need to continue to stand for Christ. Even when the circumstances tell us differently, holding firm to the word of God, the words spoken to your heart. That He will direct your path, that he will hide you in the shadow of his wings. When your flesh is reminding you that none of this is true, feed yourself, your spirit the REAL truth... we don't see as God sees.
Love,
Karin

waiting

I started this blog for my family and friends who may be curious as to the inner working of my mind... or that just want to know what's going on! Right now, we're just kinda waiting for the Lord to move in most areas of life.. however that may look!

Our paperwork for the adoption of a little girl from China was logged into the system over there in August 2007. The wait is gaining close to two years but we are praying that the wait will become much less, but will still give us enough time to save/raise the money needed! So, that's a hard thing to wait for~ but it'll be worth it!
This has been a huge leap of faith for us from the very begining but we are very glad we stuck it out and did all the paperwork (grueling, seriously.) and were able to take care of all the fees to this point.
as Tom Petty says, "...the waiting is the hardest part..."

Until next time.

Karin

thoughts...

Today we should be celebrating Micahs' First Birthday.
Instead, I am up after 5 hours of sleep, thinking. Many times in the past year I thought, screamed "THIS IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!" and today is no different. On November 1st, 2006 I went in for my 35th week check up. I only had 5 weeks till Micahs due date. I had already set up the house for his homecoming~ everything from the bottles in the cupboards, the diapers on the changing table to washing his newborn clothes in dreft. We'd had his baby shower just a week or two earlier, so Eric and I were becoming more excited, sitting on the floor at night talking about what we thought Micah would be like... we figured he'd be artistic in some way, since we both are. And I had my heart set on being a soccer mom. or baseball mom. or basketball mom. I am okay with all sports that aren't wrestling. But on that day, they couldn't find Micahs' heart beat. After 35 weeks of normal check ups, of enjoying his presence, our little boys heart had stopped. To this day, they don't have an exact cause. They induced me and Micah was stillborn at 10:18 am November 2, 2006. Our hearts are broken, but we go on.

I started going to church when I was 20. I remember to this day how the pastor at that church would say how boring the book of Job was, so I had never read it. But in this past year, I have read it and gone back to it many times. Jobs heart is broken and he's angry with God. I was so scared to be angry with God, but realized that I needed to be honest with Him. Although Job was angry and felt abandoned, he never cursed God. This is good. I still don't have alot of things worked out in my head, but I keep going.