I've had this on my mind for a while and I figured I'd share it just because it's there...
After Micah died, I was still drawn to baby things. I used to give the baby isles at Target the death stare because I longed to look but it hurt so much. Once I was pregnant with Monkey and knew she was a girl, I was still drawn to not only the baby things but the boy things. I figured it was because that's all I knew since I focused on boy stuff for 9 months.
This hasn't gone away. I am drawn to both boys and girls stuff everywhere I go and have been really confused by it. But as I was thinking the day, something occured to me: My heart, my mammas heart, knows I have two children~ a boy and a girl. Logically, I know that I am able to raise only my daughter but my mammas heart... it just doesn't understand. oh, man. I really needed to write this. I am bawling like a baby but I really needed to put my feelings in words. so, that's where I'm at. So totally in love with Monkey, thrilled to finally be able parent my child, but heartbroken that I don't get to experience them with my son.
3 comments:
Oh Karin....you put your thoughts so beautifully on "paper". I can only imagine how this feels for you...and actually it makes complete sense. Love ya! The memory of Micah will never die...and someday you will be reunited with him again. :o)
Micah is part of you...forever. Glad you took the time to process the feelings. It is really healthy to be honest with yourself and God. The enemy can't torment you with it now...it is what it is and it is out there in the light and it has healing power b/c He loves us so much...glad you are doing well!
Karin thank you for sharing. You are a wonderful mother to both Micah and Piper
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