My dad and step mom flew me out to one of their favorite cities~ New Orleans. They met me there from the North.
One thing that sticks out about the city that my dad pointed out is when the people in N.O. talk about things that have happened, they say it in terms of before or after Katrina. I get that. That's how I view our lives. Things happend before I was pregnant or after Micah was born. It's my landmark. It is the moment that changed who I was. It made me who I am.
And I think that's how it is with that city. Many people didn't come back but those that did have such a passion for their city. THEIR city.
I will write more about my adventures later but need to go to bed now.
I do have to say that I had the CRAPPIEST plane ride on the way home. Thank God is was a short trip. I am already praying that my 13-20 hour plane adventure to China in a few years doesn't suck and isn't so scary. At one point I was curled up in a ball in my seat to keep my stomache from dropping (that doesn't help, by the way). But I'm home and safe.
Night.
Karin
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Chocolate
It covers a multitude of sorrows.
or atleast numbs them until that wonderful chocolatey taste in my mouth is gone.
...then I just reach for another piece! And the chocolate above... those are truffles, people. soft, creamy chocolate middles... doesn't get much better!
And I am still working out at the gym. It's a balancing act.
or atleast numbs them until that wonderful chocolatey taste in my mouth is gone.
...then I just reach for another piece! And the chocolate above... those are truffles, people. soft, creamy chocolate middles... doesn't get much better!
And I am still working out at the gym. It's a balancing act.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Peace like a river that transends my soul
I woke up with that in my head. I guess it's better than waking up in a panic or super sad. Both of which I've been doing lately.
Last Sunday marked the 2 year anniversary of when Eric and I found out we were pregnant with Micah. I'm not much for anniversaries or things like that, but it's amazing... my body and emotions remember for me. For a few months after Micah died, I would feel so sad every Thursday. Then it occured to me that we found out Micahs heart had stopped beating on Thursday, November 1st. I've had different occurances like this. But this week, I have been so sad. I just went and opened his keepsake box and looked at the Journal that I made him. Sure enough, April 13, 2006 our doctor told us we were pregnant. . We went to Ginza Japeneze steakhouse after the appointment and I gave Eric a book of names and a bib with a sailboat that says "I love my daddy". We both knew we were having a boy. It's so hard to remember how happy we were about our son... about raising Micah and being parents. All the dreams, the expections, the hopes. oh... it hurts so much, even after 2 years.
I was so much in love with Micah. Still am. I have never so completely sacrificially loved anyone. I even ate veggies for goodness sakes and I don't do that!
I share this because I feel like I have to get it out. Get it out of me, atleast.
You know what scares me most about every getting pregnant again? That I will hold myself back from the next child for fear of losing it as well. Of not talking and loving on them as much as I did Micah. I knew his habits, his patterns, I knew his spirit. And it scares me to feel that again, in a way. To love someone that much and loose them. I do realize that Micah's with Jesus. I get it. I am just sad that he's not with me and Eric. That's just my truth.
I sit here sobbing and puffy eyed and question God as to what I am to do with this. I don't want to hurt in vain. I don't want to sit and feel sorry for myself. And I don't think that I do. I have made it a point to be a good employee and I have tried my best to be the best friend and wife I can be at this time. Sometimes I fail, but I do try.
So, that's where I am right now.
There is a big thing Eric and I felt needs to happen soon...I'll explain further once it happens but If you can pray that God will help it happen, that'd be awesome.
Love you guys.
Last Sunday marked the 2 year anniversary of when Eric and I found out we were pregnant with Micah. I'm not much for anniversaries or things like that, but it's amazing... my body and emotions remember for me. For a few months after Micah died, I would feel so sad every Thursday. Then it occured to me that we found out Micahs heart had stopped beating on Thursday, November 1st. I've had different occurances like this. But this week, I have been so sad. I just went and opened his keepsake box and looked at the Journal that I made him. Sure enough, April 13, 2006 our doctor told us we were pregnant. . We went to Ginza Japeneze steakhouse after the appointment and I gave Eric a book of names and a bib with a sailboat that says "I love my daddy". We both knew we were having a boy. It's so hard to remember how happy we were about our son... about raising Micah and being parents. All the dreams, the expections, the hopes. oh... it hurts so much, even after 2 years.
I was so much in love with Micah. Still am. I have never so completely sacrificially loved anyone. I even ate veggies for goodness sakes and I don't do that!
I share this because I feel like I have to get it out. Get it out of me, atleast.
You know what scares me most about every getting pregnant again? That I will hold myself back from the next child for fear of losing it as well. Of not talking and loving on them as much as I did Micah. I knew his habits, his patterns, I knew his spirit. And it scares me to feel that again, in a way. To love someone that much and loose them. I do realize that Micah's with Jesus. I get it. I am just sad that he's not with me and Eric. That's just my truth.
I sit here sobbing and puffy eyed and question God as to what I am to do with this. I don't want to hurt in vain. I don't want to sit and feel sorry for myself. And I don't think that I do. I have made it a point to be a good employee and I have tried my best to be the best friend and wife I can be at this time. Sometimes I fail, but I do try.
So, that's where I am right now.
There is a big thing Eric and I felt needs to happen soon...I'll explain further once it happens but If you can pray that God will help it happen, that'd be awesome.
Love you guys.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
So hard to say goodbye.
I guess it was inevitable.
I am still unable to fit into some of my pre pregnancy clothes. "some" is an understatement, but lets leave it alone, okay?
I am proud to say that 2 pairs of pants made it back into rotation. I like to believe that it's because I'm working out and my thighs are now strong and muscle-y and will no longer fit into my pre-buff-hot chic pants.
Jump on into fantasy world. The waters warm and there are slushies for all.
I've had to say farewell to a few items.
I have had this skirt for about 11-12 years. I bought it on sale at the buckle for $12.00 and I thought it would be AWESOME to wear with these boots:
In the last 11-12 years, I have worn that skirt about 3-5 times-around the house.
I'm sure the goodwill shoppers will apreciate a nice pleather snakeskin skirt with slits up the sides.
This outfit that I created with the above pieces reminds me of a little number I created in spring of 95. It was my senior year and I was so carefree and lovin' life.
As you can see, the dress is about 2 sizes too big. But I really wanted those shoes and it was the only thing that I could find in hot pink. Here's a close up to see what I couldn't resist:
I did keep these pants.
I realize that they're ugly. But they're so cool at the same time. I still believe in them. I believe that they still have something to offer me that my jeans cannot.
And check this out!
I bought this shirt last weekend at Virgin Records in Downtown Disney. Air Guitar Champion, baby!
I hope you enjoyed the tour.
Karin
I am still unable to fit into some of my pre pregnancy clothes. "some" is an understatement, but lets leave it alone, okay?
I am proud to say that 2 pairs of pants made it back into rotation. I like to believe that it's because I'm working out and my thighs are now strong and muscle-y and will no longer fit into my pre-buff-hot chic pants.
Jump on into fantasy world. The waters warm and there are slushies for all.
I've had to say farewell to a few items.
I have had this skirt for about 11-12 years. I bought it on sale at the buckle for $12.00 and I thought it would be AWESOME to wear with these boots:
In the last 11-12 years, I have worn that skirt about 3-5 times-around the house.
I'm sure the goodwill shoppers will apreciate a nice pleather snakeskin skirt with slits up the sides.
This outfit that I created with the above pieces reminds me of a little number I created in spring of 95. It was my senior year and I was so carefree and lovin' life.
As you can see, the dress is about 2 sizes too big. But I really wanted those shoes and it was the only thing that I could find in hot pink. Here's a close up to see what I couldn't resist:
I did keep these pants.
I realize that they're ugly. But they're so cool at the same time. I still believe in them. I believe that they still have something to offer me that my jeans cannot.
And check this out!
I bought this shirt last weekend at Virgin Records in Downtown Disney. Air Guitar Champion, baby!
I hope you enjoyed the tour.
Karin
Monday, April 7, 2008
grab a number and get in line
When we started the paperwork for our adoption, we were told the wait was 16-18 months. Our paperwork was logged in on August 20, 2007(this is what we refer to as our LID-log in date) and since then, the wait gets longer and longer and a bit more discouraging. It is now official that people with the LID of January 5-9, 2006 have just gotten their referal -that's the picture and info. of the child that has been selected to be theirs. So, just think: Those people who have the LID of 1-9-06 have waited 27 months! TWENTY SEVEN MONTHS! agh. That is a really, really long time.
I love the idea of adopting. I never really thought about it until recently, but I was always drawn to the orphan stories- Annie, Anne of Green Gables, Oliver. But, to look at the numbers and see that in a months time, only 5 days of LIDs receive their Children and information is really sad to both me and Eric. I try to keep my mind occupied on other things, but this is such a dream of ours... and it's sad that it's so far away.
hm.
So, that's a lot of what's been in my head and on my heart lately. There's some other stuff, but that'll come later! A little at a time!
xoxo
I love the idea of adopting. I never really thought about it until recently, but I was always drawn to the orphan stories- Annie, Anne of Green Gables, Oliver. But, to look at the numbers and see that in a months time, only 5 days of LIDs receive their Children and information is really sad to both me and Eric. I try to keep my mind occupied on other things, but this is such a dream of ours... and it's sad that it's so far away.
hm.
So, that's a lot of what's been in my head and on my heart lately. There's some other stuff, but that'll come later! A little at a time!
xoxo
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Happy Birthday to me!
Today is my birthday.
Last year, my birthday was HORRIBLE. I was so very sad. I didn't really understand why until a few days later when I realized that by my 30th birthday my life was supposed to be different. Mainly, I had put it in my head that I would have atleast one child before I turned 30. So, turning 30 just 5 months and 1 day after Micah died STUNK. It stunk bad. and it hurt even more.
So, this year, I started talking about my birthday early~ where I was going to go for my birthday dinner, eating cake, etc. I didn't put any expectaions on turning 31~ I just did it. And I did it wearing the "birthday girl" ribbon Eric bought me all day long at work! My dad called me first thing this morning and wished me a happy day. I got his hallmark card and gift earlier this week. (I make a point that it was a hallmark because I LOVE hallmark cards. They are such good quality and high class, in my opinion. And the FRESH INK line... HOLY COW... so funny! I laugh till I cry!) My mom took Eric and I to the Greek restaurant in town which was really good. She also made me my bunny cake. I told her I was a grown up and grown ups don't need bunny cakes for their birthday. She didn't agree and will be making me a bunny cake until she's 90, she says. I will be 58. With a bunny cake. This is all because my birthday is sometimes on/near Easter... which is apperently the holiday of the bunny cake. Eric usually gets cake in shapes of some kind of musical instrument because he's a musician. Is this all making sense now? I just hope our kids have cool hobbies/skills or are born around a cool cake-worthy holiday.
Oh! and Eric did the dishes last night and vacuumed today~ happy birthday to me!
:)
Last year, my birthday was HORRIBLE. I was so very sad. I didn't really understand why until a few days later when I realized that by my 30th birthday my life was supposed to be different. Mainly, I had put it in my head that I would have atleast one child before I turned 30. So, turning 30 just 5 months and 1 day after Micah died STUNK. It stunk bad. and it hurt even more.
So, this year, I started talking about my birthday early~ where I was going to go for my birthday dinner, eating cake, etc. I didn't put any expectaions on turning 31~ I just did it. And I did it wearing the "birthday girl" ribbon Eric bought me all day long at work! My dad called me first thing this morning and wished me a happy day. I got his hallmark card and gift earlier this week. (I make a point that it was a hallmark because I LOVE hallmark cards. They are such good quality and high class, in my opinion. And the FRESH INK line... HOLY COW... so funny! I laugh till I cry!) My mom took Eric and I to the Greek restaurant in town which was really good. She also made me my bunny cake. I told her I was a grown up and grown ups don't need bunny cakes for their birthday. She didn't agree and will be making me a bunny cake until she's 90, she says. I will be 58. With a bunny cake. This is all because my birthday is sometimes on/near Easter... which is apperently the holiday of the bunny cake. Eric usually gets cake in shapes of some kind of musical instrument because he's a musician. Is this all making sense now? I just hope our kids have cool hobbies/skills or are born around a cool cake-worthy holiday.
Oh! and Eric did the dishes last night and vacuumed today~ happy birthday to me!
:)
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